Yellow from Adult Child by Buick Audra

the other late night
was talking to a friend
and I explained why
I typically will tend
to have a hard time
chasing down an end
he nodded, he knew
that’s why he’s a friend

but when I got home
thought about that talk
I felt the shame I
feel when I try to block
the parts of myself
that want to be set free
I nodded, I know
I’ve spent some time with me

I said, “I hate myself”
but that’s not what I really meant
I meant, I pay the debts
for the people they could have been
sometimes words just slip out
I can’t put them all back in
I said, “I hate myself”
but that’s not what I really meant
it’s not what I really meant

the other mid-day
was hanging with the guys
and then I asked if
my voice was still inside
the lines that hold me
the very ones that bind
they nodded, they knew
that’s why I don’t hide

and then I got home
thought about that day
I felt embarrassed
because I still betray
the parts of myself
that know the fucking notes
I nodded, I know
I’ve spent some time with ghosts

I said, “I hate myself”
but that’s not what I really meant
I meant, I carry lead
from the words that somebody said
sometimes things don’t work out
and I can’t make it all make sense
I said, “I hate myself”
but that’s not what I really meant
I said, “I hate myself”
but that’s not what I really meant
I meant, I pay the debts
for the people they could have been
sometimes words just slip out
and I can’t put them all back in
I said, “I hate myself”
but that’s not what I really meant

I try, I paint my fingernails
the very color of the purest daisy
I hope it’s helping some
I try, I turn the pedals up
the very volume makes me feel less hazy
I hope it’s helping some
I try, I paint my fingernails
the very color of the purest daisy
I hope it’s helping some
I try, I turn the pedals up
the very volume makes me feel less hazy
I hope it’s helping some

• Alternative
• alternative
• americana
• indie rock
• singer-songwriter
• Nashville