This Avalanche from Splintering by Guy Capecelatro III

This Avalanche

I’ve been shouting at the stars for the last couple hours
Filling up the compost with decomposing flowers
Looking through the drawers somewhere is the secret
Message that you wrote me I’m sure you meant to leave it

There’s a million things to do but I’m starting and I’m stopping
Dragging out equipment with all the neighbors gawking
There’s no way to ascribe to this reality you’re gone
I’ll pretend you’re on vacation and hope they play along

I know I can’t roll over onto your side of the bed
For fear I might awake you or hurt your peanut head
I don’t know how the heat works or when to pay the bills
It feels like there’s an avalanche of all your stupid pills

Talking to your family on the phone just makes me cry
Every realization feels like some surprise
Drowning in the shadows in the swath you left behind
Wallowing like a hippo in this life now undefined

It’s so hard without you near me to drift off into sleep
I know I won’t be able to wash these dirty sheets
Listening for your breathing and the sounds you used to make
Wishing I could hold you as I lay here wide awake

I know I can’t roll over onto your side of the bed
For fear I might awake you or hurt your peanut head
I don’t know how the heat works or when to pay the bills
It feels like there’s an avalanche of all your stupid pills
Sometimes in the mornings I hear you breathing still

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