amber from amber,lovely by Chapin

"Amber is when the love is falling out of you cause it’s over and the pieces of you are coming apart and nothing in the world has hurt more and you’re crying and crying and it’s like it won’t stop and the snot is there and the tears and you’re not sure what’s on your shirt. Is it snot? Is it tears? Is it sweat cause it’s so fcking hot and why did you have to get your heart broken in the heat of august? Why didn’t he fck off in december when it’s rainy and you can be cozy and sad under a blanket? Why didn’t he fck off before he even said hello?
That’s amber. Amber is the pain of wanting it to never stop but living through it. Wanting it all to ‘start again’ wanting it to never end and to want to go back to something, to someone, at the end of it all. To know that your love wasn’t wasted. Cause you don’t know what wasted love feels like but this feels close.
Amber is: I love you, even though I know what it means you fcking coward."

I wrote the above a year after I wrote the song. I was still really emotional and feeling so angry and hurt. These are almost entirely unfiltered thoughts. I feel very vulnerable sharing them, but I don't want to censor myself.

The official 'about' for this track would be: a few days after things ended with my friend I wrote the lines "time stills for us, when we ask" and I felt like I was the only one asking for time to stand still.

Singer-songwriter of acoustic-y sad-jams. Your support means more than you know, thanks for listening.

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