Vibe from Eros + Exodus by Chris Conde

sometimes I don’t know what the fuck i’m doing with my life. been asking these same questions since I was like 25 but now i’m 36 still up in this mix, still shooting the gift with no inclinations to shift. but often times i feel as if i’m not built for this shit. like am I too depressed to really give myself to this. these thoughts begin to twist, tying tightly to constrict my wrist from writing rhymes my lips so I don’t spit, restricted by my fear and I fear that i’m fucking over it, a fifteen year career but I don’t know what I can show for it. back when I got sober I felt like I should just go for it be a full-time rapper and take the whole by storm and shit. of course i’ve been supported by Ceschi and the Fake Fouragers, grateful to anyone who’s ever watched me perform but it’s the pain inside my shoulder the darkness in my soul I think that i’m ok but I don’t exactly feel whole. but somehow I feel the stage is the only where I feel home. and I know it sounds fucking selfish but I don’t know where else to go. invested this much time and sometimes I think i’m too old, invested in the climb cuz i’m trying to go make some gold. I don’t want to run a business, I just want to play some shows man fuck your algorithm I just wanna write some poems. so I guess i’ll write these rhymes. and I guess i’ll lace the flow if i think of something else to do I guess i’ll let y'all know

‘Cause I just want to vibe

I don’t have a blueprint for the life that I am living because all my friends from high school all are married and have children or they’re buying homes and also own successful businesses it’s instances like this that I’m wishing my shit was different. I know i’m being ignorant. I know the grass is always greener when you’re stuck in between a feeling of needing some sort of meaning for your being and thinking it all would be easy if I just gave up and became complicit to the machinery. but what would my life mean to me if I gave up on my dreams and proceeded to impede all my creativity I vividly can see myself being bored and unhappy and of course this won’t happen kinda sorta just absorbed with this fantasy but i’m not gonna stop rocking all of your faces even when i’m feeling off and not really courageous i’m gonna tear the ceiling off everytime Im on stages and if you fucking hear this song know that I never faded

• Hip-Hop/Rap
• all alternative
• folk punk
• hip hop
• indie rock
• underground hip-hop
• New Haven