Turbulent me. from Pyrrhicae by Irene Wilde

Lampshades covered dark
You’re about to witness all my scars
As I whisper to myself
“I will not break.”
I bite my lip to keep from moving them
Trying to find a place for these awkward limbs
Oh my thoughts are as frizzy as my hair
without bobby pins
So I ask you to leave.

You got that gaze as blue as the oceans
And I’m drinking them in
Sipping on that potion that I fear
Does tempt me
But when you speak to me I fear honesty
Cuz I’m not good at that old feeling
For I’m a pillar that will never show it’s seams
For I no longer know that woman in I
That’s not heavy with burden
But air and light.

As you look at me I fear that you can see my uncomfortable reactions to intimate attractions
For I long shamed myself out of my need
Oh turbulent me, forgetting to breathe
Steering conversations with grim cogitations
For I simply forgot how to just be

For I no longer know that woman in I
That’s not heavy with burden
But air and light.
For you told me my virtue had run dry
Oh turbulent me , just forget your needs
Remember what brought about your chosen solidarity
Oh no, loneliness has no power over me!

But you got that gaze as deep as the oceans
And I catch myself swimming in those currents
That I fear I cannot fight
But as you speak to me I fear honestly
That I’ll remember what its like to need
And I can’t let that be

For when you look at me
I know you can see
My uncomfortable reactions based on my attraction for forgetting myself completely.
Oh turbulent me can I consciously not add weight to every syllable I sing?
Would that alter my very being?

For I no longer know that woman in I
that’s not heavy with burden but air and light
And does not question her virtue
every time she smiles.
Oh turbulent me just forget your needs
Remember why you chose this solidarity
You became heavy with your grief.

Loneliness has no power over me
Lampshades covered dark
You’re about to witness all my scars
Loneliness has no power over me
I bite my lip
To keep from moving them
Stay
Loneliness has no power over me
Stay.

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