(Past) Lives from The Healing by Jihad

Now, I know you're not supposed to sell me two packs of Kool's
But I got a note here that says that it's cool
The man kindly refused
But my mom signed it though
Come on, it's time to go
Left empty-handed, except for this note
And this lump in my throat
I feel ashamed, I'm a joke
I can't do this, there's no hope
Cause when I go home, my mom's gonna be a ghost
A spooky apparition to whom I was forced to listen
Smoking inside the kitchen
telling me of the mission
That the man inside the satellite would explain and we'd all see
And when this logic fell through, she'd call on me
Jayhad, you hear the satellite, you don't have to lie
That's right around the time that I'd start to cry
Wishing things were different, wishing she was present
Wishing that she would admit I'm from the desert
Jayhad you're white, no Mom I'm brown
It's funny, this conversation still goes on now
I'm a grown-up child
In the eyes of my mother
Another reason we can't communicate with each other
I just hug her and tell her I love her the best I can do
Best she can do
Wall neither one can break through
Children of mental illness, we make do
When it was raining bad shit, I played through
But mother would give me mulligans, more coveted than other kids
Babied to the point that I had a bib
But never habibi, my Daddy would need me
But my Mama was greedy
So then I'd have to draw up a treaty
Pre-adolescent politician, playing a two-party system
In a post-divorce world vision, telling two grown-ups to listen
But they never would, stuck in their ways for good
You'll never make the ones you love happy was what I understood
Feeling disappointment and pain, every day is the same
Holding myself up with tension and strain
Growing up with a mom talking to someone who's not there
You learn quick how life ain't fair
Trying to be strong, trying to be hard
Trying to conceal my tears and my sobs
From my mom in the other room
I hope she stops talking soon
It's five past three, and I got school
Be quiet, the desperate incantation that I would yell
No sorcery I could wield could get her out of this hell
Never taking no medication, just stuck in the spell
They'll take her away, so there was no one to tell
Fifteen, sixteen, now I'm carrying weight
Inside my chest, a rock rest, where the barriers made
Between me and my past, hoping there's freedom at last
Martin Luther couldn't shoot through the darkness in my path
So I sparked up a flash, just to light up my way
Kept walking, then an hour, turned to a day
Then a day to a year, then a year to my life
Accepting my past for what it has, with my future in sight
With my future in sight

Now that's life, that's life, that's life, that's life, that's life
That's the life that I led, and this the life that I lead
And this life has done me right, for all that I bleed
And for all that I grieve, I now truly believe
That this life is a gift, that I'm blessed to receive
That I'm blessed to receive
Now that's life, that's life, that's life, that's life, that's life
That's the life that I led
And this the life that I lead, and this life is a gift
That I'm blessed to receive

On top of every building shouting
I love you Ma, you have moved mountains
On top of every building shouting
I love you Ma, you have moved mountains
Love you Mom

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