Five One from Radio Face by Mitch Benn

The battle would be joined that tonight in Munich town
The stadium was tense as the sun was going down
The England captains boots of white did clean for all to see
And that scary bold Italian bloke came on as referee
He blew his whistle shrill the teams began to play
it's only early doors it could go either way
The Germans felt as if they had put one hand on the cup
When after just six minutes Janke put them one nil up

Don't give up England
Get your act together and attack
Don't give up England
It's only a temporary set back

Now England got a break and Owen got the ball
He smashed it in the net the score was now one-all
Then Deisler had the perfect chance the goal was open wide
To go under the bar would have been wunderbar, but he fumbled
It round to the side

Then Steven Gerrard didn't have to try hard
To conjure up something sublime
He gave them a shock from way outside of the box
And the referee blew for half-time

And when the teams returned to start the game again
The German players burned to wreck a swift revenge
But David Seaman saved the day to thwart their hopes and then
The German back four went to sleep and Owen scored again
The Germans hung their heads like they have nothing left
Than Owen scored a third, the first one since Sir Geoff
The German fans were going home they couldn't take anymore
When suddenly Emile Heskey came a lumbering up to score

And it was five-one, five-one
A game that they'll still talk about when we're all dead and gone
And it was Five-One, now whenever things go wrong
We’ll recall how good it felt to be alive
That night that England stuffed the krauts One-Five

• Comedy
• Mitch Benn
• Radio 4
• comedy songs
• parody music
• satire
• London