INTERLOPER by MLWRE

in any story across the world, whether written, told, or performed, there is most often a subject of focus. a main character, if you will. everyone along all walks of life are the main character of their own stories, each deep and complex as they go throughout their fleeting time on this earth. but what if you were a background character in your own story? what if the absence of your ability to initiate the change that needs to happen defines how your world shapes? what if you were simply helpless, left alone, and told by none other than yourself that your future is completely hopeless, with nothing more than the promise of salvation as your pure motivator as you walk through the hell which you now call home?

it would be a truly lonely and tragic existence, would it not?

DESCRIPTIONS:

1. THE WEIRD KID.
i’ve been thrust into a situation that i could not fathom mere days ago. the discomfort consumes me. i don’t have anyone to help me through this. everything is new. nothing is old. am i an adult now? is this what growing up means? am i doomed to suffer eternally? if so, would it be better to take a different path? should i kill myself?

i know i shouldn’t, but the option looks incredibly enticing.

2. LONG WALK OF SHAME.
let’s go back to where it all began. the moment i knew i was fucked. the moment that everything compounded, and i returned to reality, even if only for a moment. i don’t belong here. nothing will go as i hope it would. i dream too much. might as well stay in my room alone, where i’m most comfortable.

3. GET UP!
you have shit to do. do it. no one else will do it for you. what, you’re just gonna let this happen and disappoint yourself, your family, and your old friends? you’re going to let yourself be known as the guy who flunked out of college? i don’t trust you anymore. i feel like you’re someone else. well, i guess it’s not like you remember the person you were yesterday anyway. might as well keep pushing on until you’re out of steam.

4. left alone.
you have no friends. it hurts. you want to blame those around you, yet you know the only person you can blame is yourself. you don’t want friends. you want to make do with what you already had. but the thing is, those people you know? the ones you felt comfortable around? the ones that made you happy? they’re all gone. they keep in contact, but it’s not the same. while you’re happy you get so much free time, maybe it would be better to be busier.

5. waning glimmer of hope, epitome of dissatisfaction.
running out of gas. running out of steam. running out of time. running out of spirit. running out of patience. running out of hatred. running out of emotion. running out of life. running out of love. running out of routes. running out of entertainment. running out of motivation. running out of hope. nothing matters anymore.

6. i have nothing.
it’s all on me. it’s all on me. it’s all on me. it’s all on me. it’s all on me. it’s all on me. it’s all on me. it’s all on me. it’s all on me. it’s all on me. it’s all on me. it’s all on me. it’s all on me. it’s all on me. it’s all on me. it’s all on me. it’s all on me. it’s all on me. it’s all on me. it’s all on me. it’s all on me. it’s all on me. it’s all on me. it’s all on me. it’s all on me. it’s all on me. it’s all on me. it’s all on me. it’s all on me. it’s all on me. it’s all on me. it’s all on me. it’s all on me. it’s all on me. it’s all on me. it’s all on me. it’s all on me. it’s all on me. it’s all on me. it’s all on me. it’s all on me. it’s all on me. it’s all on me. it’s all on me. it’s all on me. it’s all on me. it’s all on me. it’s all on me. it’s all on me. it’s all on me. it’s all on me. it’s all on me. it’s all on me. it’s all on me. it’s all on me. it’s all on me. it’s all on me. it’s all on me. it’s all on me. it’s all on me. it’s all on me. it’s all on me. it’s all on me.

7. what i didn’t.
what i didn’t is without description.

8. chronosonder, and the final days.
one last trip to hell. i’m so close, i can nearly touch the end. yet, so many things stand in my way. i wish i could crush them all. i wish i was strong enough. i’ve stopped caring about my surroundings. the only thing that’s important is my escape. it feels like it’ll be years before i get to it, but if i can, time will flow normally again. and i can be myself.

9. conclusion of a nightmare.
can i get real with you for a second?
yknow, nothing really matters in the end. when all comes to a point, the only thing that’ll remain is the universe. whatever we’re working towards, all of it, will one day either be forgotten, or just completely wiped off the face of the earth. hell, the galaxy. everything ends at some point, as this nightmare has. but you, oh you, you can just replay it. over and over and over until you get bored of it. everything i’ve created will one day be forgotten. nothing is permanent. that goes for all things. coming to understand this after having too much time to think is a great way to get way too deep into your own mind, and scrape away at any hope you may have had for the future. if you get that lodged tightly into the pleasure center of your brain, nothing will satisfy you. everything is numb. you begin cursing the world. cursing society. cursing yourself for existing in this manner. you find ways out of it. but it always comes back. nothing is sacred anymore. you’re not that far along, but you know that one day, you’ll die. the one thing you can’t escape, no matter how hard you try. you’ll at some point leave this world, be remembered by your loved ones, and when they pass, no one will remember your name. that’s one of the reasons i wanted to pursue music. because creation lasts much longer than memory. if anyone can remember my music long after i’ve died, then i lived my life to the fullest. that mere concept scares me sometimes. not making full use of the limited time i’ve been given. wasting away as i chase something that may or may not work out. if i give up, though, then i won’t be unique. i won’t be special anymore. people won’t think i’m cool. i’ll be doing what everyone else that has lived and died before me has. lived, worked, died. nothing interesting. if i see my life as a movie, then god dammit imma make it a good one. even if it means disappointing all those around me. i don’t care about them. they can go die. just die so i can mourn some more. i must farm pity. i crave it. i missed you. where have you been? god damn, it’s been so long. i never should’ve left. this is where i belong.

just so you know, this one doesn’t loop. if i had to go through this again,
i might just kill myself.

you aren't reading this. are you?

linktr.ee