I've Decided from Speak Boldly by Spencer LaJoye

"I've Decided," was one of the most difficult songs on the album for me to write. I was working with Evergreen Christian Church, in partnership with Juniper Formation, and one of the Scripture passages in the lectionary that week was Luke 9:57-62, where Jesus tells one of his followers who asked to go bury their father, "Let the dead bury their own dead; but as for you, go and proclaim the kin-dom of God.”
The last time I had encountered this passage in the lectionary was in June 2016, right around the time of the Pulse Nightclub shooting. The church I was a member of had a really prominent queer population, and I remember us as a community grappling hard with these rather harsh words from Jesus. It felt like Jesus was asking us to short-circuit our grief to start proclaiming joy and life and freedom.
This Scripture remains difficult today during COVID-19, when so many are unable to be with their loved ones at the end of their lives. or unable to gather to grieve the loss of loved ones...and for Black and Brown families who have to bury their loved ones who die at the hands of White supremacy and police brutality.

The pivotal lyric for me in this song is, "Oh, may not my tears be shed in vain, but freedom never waits for me to leave the grave."

May we know our tears are not shed in vain...
and may we grab hold of freedom. It is moving forward, and we must do the hard work of picking up the plow and following it.

Spencer LaJoye is a singer/songwriter from the Midwest making queer indie folk music for everyone. The 2021 Kerrville Songwriting Competition and 2024 Songwriter Serenade winner spins crystalline vocals through a loop pedal while strumming an acoustic guitar in charming, banter-heavy performances that keep audiences laughing one moment and weeping the next.

spencerlajoye.com