in retreat by Talons'
I wrote most of these songs in 2023. I've tried many times to record them on this old tenor guitar that Al K from Six Parts Seven gave to me. It won't stay in tune and regardless, I just haven't been able to get it done.
There's a lot about the Covid era that I can't get past. It changed me and largely not for the better. Everything is absurd and somehow we need to press on and go to work and pretend like things make sense.
Time is passing and I decided to sit down and play everything live to 1/4" tape. Out of tune. Out of key. But here they are. Things are not OK. The near future is bleak, but we've gotta dig in and grind it out for the kids.
Tracklist
| 1. | rudder | 1:28 |
| 2. | summer in russell | 2:38 |
| 3. | no anthems | 4:00 |
| 4. | unreality | 1:24 |
| 5. | powerball | 2:01 |
| 6. | harder to stay | 1:45 |
| 7. | small breeze | 1:41 |
| 8. | trouble with joy | 1:11 |
| 9. | deer dying in the woods behind our house | 1:59 |
| 10. | new novelty winter blues | 1:45 |
| 11. | fourth of july | 2:36 |
| 12. | dry january | 2:28 |
| 13. | still out on the water | 2:09 |
Credits
released December 23, 2024
rudder:
I lost the rudder
dropped my oar into the water
I know we're done but
it's not over
summer in russell:
I love the sound of the insects at night
Why can't that be enough for me?
I look up at the sky through the leaves
And I want to believe
I want to believe
I want to believe in something again
no anthems:
I used to need a soundtrack for everything
Wouldn't start up the car without a burned CD
Now I'm quiet
Listening to the rattle of the heat shield
Am I disassociating?
Or am I more at peace?
Maybe I was using those songs to keep me at the surface
Someone else's thoughts, feeling, memories
Was I hiding behind the mixtape or trying to speak through it?
Was I facing things through the music
or avoiding facing things through the music?
I don't know but today I don't need an anthem to get me home
I listen to nothing
I think about nothing
Nothing, nothing just waiting
No anthems
No more anthems
Nothing to say here
Nothing, nothing just waiting
unreality:
There's a piece of tracing paper between me and everything
I don't know what I like anymore
I don't know what I like anymore
I don't know what I like
I turn the radio off and melt into traffic
Under the billboard: "You know what I do"
Past the Valley View bridge
Me and Cleveland strain under black skies
And "Everything dies in the winter"
Paint peels from the side of the house
The ivy creeps back in
I don't care
Am I even here?
powerball:
I've been playing Powerball
Probably not a good thing
But I guess it means that I've got hope left in something
Maybe not in myself but...
I've been playing Powerball
harder to stay:
I've gotta make some changes
It's not gonna be easy
There's a point where worthlessness folds back into selfishness
And I've got people that I love
And I owe them more than this
And I need to try harder to stay
I need to try harder to stay
small breeze:
I'm a small breeze blowing though the lives of the people I know
Not strong enough to make a mess
or to dig in enough to make a difference
My friends all try and give
and I smile and disappear
trouble with joy:
Having trouble with joy
We're on the edge of the knife
Two weeks without power is all it would take to unwind all this
You know the weather is fucked
The woods are turning into a swamp
And everywhere I smell the rot
Everywhere I smell the rot
deer dying in the woods behind our house:
There's a deer dying in the woods behind our house
We watch each other through the window
And there's nothing I can do to stop it
The fact that we can live calmly though endless death
is permanently fucked
Why is it so easy to shrug?
Why is it so easy for me to shrug?
new novelty winter blues:
It's been 5 years since last Summer
It's been 6 months since 2009
And the moon's so bright it looks like snow outside
The moon's so bright it looks like snow outside
fourth of july:
I had an active shooter nightmare on the night before the 4th of July
We were in a mall somewhere
It felt like the south
I could see the sun was out
We were hiding in the clothes racks
He was in the food court
I'm so scared and my son can see it
I've always tried to hide my fears from him
And I'm ashamed that this is the world I'm handing him
smiling like it's OK
The future's great
The future's great
dry january:
Spilled an imperial IPA all over my pedalboard
on the second day that I went back to getting drunk in 2021
And it'd be easy to blame the "Craft Beer Revolution",
but not really fair,
It just gave an excuse for guys like me
to do what we were already gonna do
And I'll blame the stress of grad school, the Great Recession
I'll blame Whole Foods, I'll blame the Pandemic
Or whatever new hellscape
There's always something to blame
And I don't know how long this dry january's gonna last
Probably not long enough to make a change in who I am
I thought I'd feel some clarity,
some new energy
but I just feel worse
now with no way to turn the noise down at the end of the day
And drinking makes me boring but now I'm boring either way
still out on the water:
I scrolled until my phone died, then I went to bed
Then I was up at 3 again
I can't find my way back from the last 4 years
I lost the rudder
I'm still out on the water
I'm still out on the water
And I know we're done but it's not over for me
rudder:
I lost the rudder
dropped my oar into the water
I know we're done but
it's not over
summer in russell:
I love the sound of the insects at night
Why can't that be enough for me?
I look up at the sky through the leaves
And I want to believe
I want to believe
I want to believe in something again
no anthems:
I used to need a soundtrack for everything
Wouldn't start up the car without a burned CD
Now I'm quiet
Listening to the rattle of the heat shield
Am I disassociating?
Or am I more at peace?
Maybe I was using those songs to keep me at the surface
Someone else's thoughts, feeling, memories
Was I hiding behind the mixtape or trying to speak through it?
Was I facing things through the music
or avoiding facing things through the music?
I don't know but today I don't need an anthem to get me home
I listen to nothing
I think about nothing
Nothing, nothing just waiting
No anthems
No more anthems
Nothing to say here
Nothing, nothing just waiting
unreality:
There's a piece of tracing paper between me and everything
I don't know what I like anymore
I don't know what I like anymore
I don't know what I like
I turn the radio off and melt into traffic
Under the billboard: "You know what I do"
Past the Valley View bridge
Me and Cleveland strain under black skies
And "Everything dies in the winter"
Paint peels from the side of the house
The ivy creeps back in
I don't care
Am I even here?
powerball:
I've been playing Powerball
Probably not a good thing
But I guess it means that I've got hope left in something
Maybe not in myself but...
I've been playing Powerball
harder to stay:
I've gotta make some changes
It's not gonna be easy
There's a point where worthlessness folds back into selfishness
And I've got people that I love
And I owe them more than this
And I need to try harder to stay
I need to try harder to stay
small breeze:
I'm a small breeze blowing though the lives of the people I know
Not strong enough to make a mess
or to dig in enough to make a difference
My friends all try and give
and I smile and disappear
trouble with joy:
Having trouble with joy
We're on the edge of the knife
Two weeks without power is all it would take to unwind all this
You know the weather is fucked
The woods are turning into a swamp
And everywhere I smell the rot
Everywhere I smell the rot
deer dying in the woods behind our house:
There's a deer dying in the woods behind our house
We watch each other through the window
And there's nothing I can do to stop it
The fact that we can live calmly though endless death
is permanently fucked
Why is it so easy to shrug?
Why is it so easy for me to shrug?
new novelty winter blues:
It's been 5 years since last Summer
It's been 6 months since 2009
And the moon's so bright it looks like snow outside
The moon's so bright it looks like snow outside
fourth of july:
I had an active shooter nightmare on the night before the 4th of July
We were in a mall somewhere
It felt like the south
I could see the sun was out
We were hiding in the clothes racks
He was in the food court
I'm so scared and my son can see it
I've always tried to hide my fears from him
And I'm ashamed that this is the world I'm handing him
smiling like it's OK
The future's great
The future's great
dry january:
Spilled an imperial IPA all over my pedalboard
on the second day that I went back to getting drunk in 2021
And it'd be easy to blame the "Craft Beer Revolution",
but not really fair,
It just gave an excuse for guys like me
to do what we were already gonna do
And I'll blame the stress of grad school, the Great Recession
I'll blame Whole Foods, I'll blame the Pandemic
Or whatever new hellscape
There's always something to blame
And I don't know how long this dry january's gonna last
Probably not long enough to make a change in who I am
I thought I'd feel some clarity,
some new energy
but I just feel worse
now with no way to turn the noise down at the end of the day
And drinking makes me boring but now I'm boring either way
still out on the water:
I scrolled until my phone died, then I went to bed
Then I was up at 3 again
I can't find my way back from the last 4 years
I lost the rudder
I'm still out on the water
I'm still out on the water
And I know we're done but it's not over for me
License
CC BY-NC-SA 3.0. See the Creative Commons website for details.
Imperfect Music
2003-202x