Joey by tj douglas

released February 24, 2015

lyrics:

JOEY
if I were born a boy, they were gonna call me joey
once they got to know me
they all called me joey

i would watch the lovers, to see which one i was
the boy puts his arm round the girl on the couch
so that’s what i’d dream of

a love i could touch
that could touch me

i hope i don’t exhaust you, like i exhaust myself
with the changing and the shifting
and becoming someone else

see that’s the wrong me
not joey, and not me.

these long summer days
i'm old enough to love them
i’m lying on my back
and you are there above me

these short summer nights
i’m old enough to love them
i’m lying on my back
i try to let you come in

this is what she told me
it’s me and it’s me only
who could be this kind of holy
mix of me and joey

so I grew up believing
the world was meant for me
and now i’m old enough to love
these fleeting summer evenings.


TOO LONG
i stayed in the sun for too long
the salt water turned my hair blonde
and you were so sweet
how you stared at your feet
until you finally turned your eyes to see me.

it would take me too long
to tell you all the good I come from
that made me like this
soft as mist
and how i learned the pain of too much tenderness

KNOW MORE
i asked your father if i could ask you out
he turned to your mother who was staring from the couch

i wanted them to like me, to see my aim is true
though I know I’m not quite what they had in mind for you

i grew up on the ocean, with a family that i love
where winter’s long but summer’s everything that you dream of

my brother called to talk, about my parents’ split
i thought it never got to me but now i think it did.

i saw the pain waiting in the wind
my lungs would fill when i caught a glimpse
i went to the window and opened wide
i asked of it and it replied: you’ve been here before
but now you know more

i spent a long time looking for a love i can’t see through
but now that i see you i see that i could lose you too

i saw the pain waiting in the wind
my lungs would fill when i caught a glimpse
i went to the window and opened wide
i asked of it and it replied: you’ve been here before
but now you know more


I DIDN'T
i heard it all, i heard it from my friends
they spared no detail, from beginning to end
there was a party last night where you used to live
and i wanted to go
but i didn’t

the birds started singing, i didn’t sleep tonight
how late it is in the early morning light
and i’m thinking those slow, dripping thoughts
and i could have made sense of them
but i did not

i made my escape, i’m lying in tall grass
i’m staring into space, the sun is coming fast
and i’m taken by the gentlest thing
and i wish i had stayed with you until morning
but i didn’t

i like the way that the tall buildings look, oh oh
from the traffic on the bridge
it gives me the chance to sit, be still, and think
of things that i didn’t


EASE
i call you over, make up something to make you stay
i need your warmth, your humor, i need your way
cus i’m going crazy all alone here every day
and i’ve got friends from all seven seas
but lately it’s you who puts me at ease

i walk home alone underneath the bqe
it’s hot and i can see things are changing
i feel soft and the softness feels amazing
it puts me at ease

she likes to tell me all her problems, i don’t mind
it helps me not to focus so endlessly on mine
and when i finally forget all about me
it puts me at ease

you call me up
say you need some company
cus you’re like me
and like me, you’ve got friends
from all seven seas
but lately it’s me who puts you at ease.


MORNINGS
sunday morning 9 AM the softest time of year
the polish men outside my window crack open another beer
it’s only after nights like those in early days of spring
when I am sitting on my own that i can fade into nothing

disintegrate my body, and there's nothing where it sat
and no one’s ever known me and no one’s ever any worse for that
and no one’s any worse for anyone or anything
on mornings after nights like those in early days of spring

i was there to listen to what you had to say
about the pain of losing love, to make it go away
about the pain of losing you in someone else’s day
and how hard is the way back?
well how long did you stay?

i stare at my hands and i repeat that i’m awake
the sun is hitting me too sweetly for my soul to take
everything moves slowly and my head it starts to swim
on mornings after nights like those in early days of spring.


FLASH FLOOD (SO SLOW)
it’s midday the sky is black
i don’t know when she’ll be back
flash flood warning on my phone
i don’t know when she’ll be home

i’m not perfect i know
that is why i move so slow
i’ve hurt people in my past
when i try to move too fast

the sky it bursts from up above
i unplug everything i love
i am careful, i move slow
so i am ready when she’s home

BLACK & WHITE
you close your eyes at the end of your night
surprised that you find it alright
as for sleep, as for you, there’s not much i can do
but i’m here so that maybe you might

if you promise not to dream in black and white
i promise to still be here when there’s light

you wake up late for the second year straight
dazed by the days and the days
that roll on ahead, you can sleep when you’re dead
at least that’s what my dad used to say

if you promise not to dream in black and white
i promise to still be here when there’s light

i know you like to see it coming
i know you like to see it through
but don’t you think it’s rather stunning, darling
running for the hills when everything you know falls through

you gotta know that i love love love you so
and i’m sorry for making this hard

if you promise not to dream in black and white
i promise not to leave you in the night

i promise to still be here when there’s light
if you promise not to dream in black and white


ALL MEANNESS BE GONE
forty-four more sunsets
until you and me baby
we make it out west

where people go to see mountains
i’ve been promising you this day
since the day we met

oh late have i loved you
beauty ever ancient
and ever new

early will i seek thee
you can tell me all the things
you’re dying for me to do

the hours slip past
and the years go fast

It’s hard to see your friends change
You see it happen
In the smallest ways

and only then do you realize
the small things are all the things
you miss these days

so all meanness be gone now
you ain’t got nothing
to do with me

my weakness is my own
my own to hold
my own to keep

the hours slip past
and the years go fast

i remember the morning
he said that he realized
where you must start

you don’t have to be injured
to still feel the tearing
you love in your heart

it’s okay not to suffer
you don’t have to be broken
to make heartbreaking art

the hours go fast
and the years slip past

MY MY MY
lying in bed, she looks at me
what’s in my head, how much can she see?
words come out from nowhere now

i go back and forth forever, never certainly
but I do know that I do like her lying next to me

i’ll take you down
where i used to sit
by the cannons on the water
where i’d wonder all of this

just a kid when i first noticed it
that i go back and forth the wind it sways me like a tree
and after all these years i’m still not sure what they should see

my my my
i i i
try try try

i never have and i never will
understand why the simple is so difficult

well i guess i should get used to this
that i go back and forth this city tosses me around
but somewhere in the busy-ness i hear the smallest sound
and i don’t mind this dizziness for all the luck I’ve found

my my my
i i i
try try try